Although I am an atheist, I understand that society loves its religious ceremonies and traditions. Tradition, be it a bris or a hot dog eating contest on the 4th of July, is an important part of civilization. It helps us stay connected to our heritage and provides us with an identity. That being said, the tradition of getting married is not exclusively a religious one. Civil marriages are not a new concept, malovolently created by scheming homosexuals determined to destroy the universe with their same-sex attraction and uncanny fashion sensibilities. Essentially, every time a religious leader publicly speaks about protecting marriage, saying that it is nothing more than a sacred covenant with God, and that God has decreed that it is a ceremony to be performed only between a man and a woman, they insult homosexual and secular people alike. I mean, assuming that you don’t live in a religious theocracy. And I thought, whether conservative or liberal, the one thing we loved about this country was the fact that we weren’t one of those. It’s nice that people with particular religious faiths want to have their God sanction or annul their marriage, whichever is necessary at the time, but when widows file for survivor benefits, those checks aren’t signed by Jesus. And if your church doesn’t currently recognize your heterosexual marriage, while that may be painful for you, you know full well that you are still considered married in the eyes of the law even if you have to marry that heathen slut in shame down at City Hall instead of in St. Andrews.
And, of course, it should be able to go completely without saying that the principles, concepts, justifications, and rules surrounding marriage between a man and a woman have been evolving for hundreds of years, and that what our society today holds sacred as marriage in no way resembles the biblical definition of acceptable marriage.
In the space of time between now and when Noah built that aardvark, we’ve come a long way, baby. Now, I’m sure that many a religious zealot would like you to believe that the evolution that society has undergone since Eve invented the appletini, (just a reminder: religious dogma is not my strong suit), is a sign that we are going to burn in Hell, and that we are condemned to spend eternity wishing we had at least one less impure thought in our lifetime. And I think it is clearly obvious to anyone with even a speck of a brain that yearning for the past in such resolute fashion is completely preposterous. What Fred Phelps and fire-breathing preachers of his ilk are essentially saying is that ALL change since the beginning of time goes against God’s will and is a sin deserving of God’s wrath. That is the basic argument, and why gay marriage is a horrible, destructive thing. Which is REALLY ironic coming from the mouths of supposed Christian leaders, when you think about it. Because, of course, arguably the biggest catalyst for change in the western world occurred 2,000 years ago when a man whose mama probably used to call “Jay Jay” stood within one of the largest temples built to honor God and said, (in the best Samuel L. Jackson voice he could muster), “Some shit gonna CHANGE up in this here muthafucker!” That is why humans have advanced more than, say, rocks. Because we learn. We grow. We love. We evolve.
I mean, that is so blatantly obvious that it seems to be a complete waste of your time, my time, and the Lord’s time to even mention it. (But, in his defense, the Lord can get a lot done in one day, so it probably didn’t take him very long to read this.)
Now that I have gotten that out the way we can go back to talking about the hot lesbian love action.
I think it’s great that two people who love each other can get married. Seems like a perfectly rational thing for a sane, civilized society to allow.
Thanks for your time. If you feel the need to pray for me, please remember to enunciate: I would like you to pray the gray away. With an ‘r’.
Please. Hold Your Applause 'Til The End. 
I love you. And if I ever go the way of the lesbians (my mom would cry), I will propose 🙂
That is touching and sweet. But, I really need someone who can cook. And, apparently, who can figure out how to remove the bees that are creating a colony under the vinyl siding of my house. But, never say never, as James Bond used to say. So, let’s put a pin in that. 🙂
Cook? Oh fuck, I’m out.
I know!
Also, I believe it is the BIEBS who says NEVER SAY NEVER! (See youtube– can’t figure out how to link in a comment.) But, sufficed to say, that phrase has been copyrighted by the only and only Justin Bieber.. not this “James Bond” to whom you allegedly refer.
Way to keep the conversation circling lesbian marriage. I can’t think of a lesbian more deserving of happiness and the right to spend a lifetime with the one that she loves than Justin Bieber.
Agreed – I just had a similar conversation with my Christian right wing uncle this weekend. He said it should illegal because it’s unnatural. I said that those who are gay would disagree. He said he’s all for civil unions. I said then ALL unions should be civil unions and the laws should be equal for all. “Marriage” can be confined to the church. He said because I’m atheist, I couldn’t possibly see his argument. I reminded him I was raised Catholic. Then we got into a whole religious thing I was able to pull around full circle. He was ranting about all religions think gay is bad and at least Christians don’t want to kill them – and for that matter only Muslims want to kill non-believers. I said there’s a quote in the Bible about killing non-believers (in the Old Testament). So then he said the Old Testament does not apply to Christians, because those prophecies were fulfilled with Jesus’s birth. So I said, “Then I guess you can’t mention the seven times being gay is mentioned in the Bible, since they’re all in the Old Testament – not one is in the New Testament.” Booyah! 🙂
And so I imagine his response was, “By golly, good woman, you are right! I can see the fallacy of my argument. Why, yes, homosexuals SHOULD be allowed to marry. Thank you for enlightening me!” Was that close?
I believe verbatim it was, “The Bible doesn’t say ANYWHERE to kill non-believers – even in the Old Testament. I’ve read that book many times and NEVER seen a quote like that.” As far as the gay part, he actually was fairly accommodating – he liked my idea of civil unions with equal legal rights for everyone. Mainly because his first argument was, “You on the Left always say words matter, well they do! Marriage matters to Christians!” That’s when I pulled out the “fine, get ‘married’ in your church, and get a civil union by law”. Then he was okay with it.
Yaw. And as long as the Christians are happy, that’s all that matters, really. We all know that. Sure, strap those millions of happily married secular couples straight into the loving bonds of civil unions. That won’t cause an uproar, no. Isn’t it hilarious how these steadfast, holy servants of God didn’t have a problem with sharing the word “marriage” with millions of people who did not believe in God or who did not worship in the same manner as they did…but as soon as Ellen wants to marry Portia? Ho boy! Now it’s time to lock the definition down!
I agree. It can be called “a shoe’ for that matter….just as long as it has all the same FEDERALLY recognized benefits as “marriage” I wouldn’t want to have a ceremony in a church anyway. I avoid them as often as possible. A bar would be a good place or a park, anywhere besides a church. If they did call it “a shoe”, then a shoe store would be a great place!